Growing Pains

Two weeks ago I spent a weekend celebrating the birthday of a dear friend; and for the first time I did so without cerebral assistance.

I danced in the sun, not a puff of smoke from my lips nor a drink in my hand - and I noticed (to my surprise) that the music moved through my muscles all the same.

I felt everything.

And since then I’ve been trying all kinds of new things; forms of exercise, listening to artists that I’ve previously formed negative judgments on, hiking alone…

Many of you have not noticed these subtle changes; few of you have congratulated the efforts and even fewer have looked at me - eyebrows raised

“YOU?” They gasp.

“Since when do YOU” x y z

And I found the response so strange.

See the thing is I have been trying to speak carefully of things I don’t like; without such passionate hatred. And not to appear in a way that is “diplomatic” or even “fake” but for the salvation of my own soul.

I want to exude peace and tranquility.

I want to bleed, content.

It is better to let go and let live than to keep and consume the negativity.

So why is it - that my growth, or at least my effort in growing is so bothersome (to you)

“You don’t (insert activity)”

“You don’t eat (insert cuisine)”

“You don’t listen to (insert genre)”

Why is it so important for friends of our past to cling to the version of ourselves that they first connected with? To dictate our projection of our internal worlds, as if to say

“YOU are not allowed to change, (even if for the better.)

A good friend doesn’t hinder or question our attempts at growth, they encourage it.

And I find my circle shrinking.

Better to let go and let live; than to keep and consume the negativity.